Warriors in School WIS
by TsubameSutaa
Summary: Completely nonsensical story about your favourite characters from Erin Hunter's Warriors series set in a high school environment.
1. Characters & Intro

**PRINCIPAL:  
**Whitestorm _(hates his job, leaves most of it to Lionheart, often hums to self, volleyball coach)_

**VICE-PRINCIPAL:  
**Lionheart _(acts like he's the real principal, extremely stuck-up and snobby)_

**SECRETARY:  
**Feathertail _(very gentle, always talks in "!", constantly calls everyone "dear", freaks out when people are late)_

**TEACHERS/STAFF:  
****Art Teacher:** Leafstar _(constantly covered in paint)  
_**Biology Teacher:** Jayfeather _(has a split personality of older Jaypaw and W&W Jayfeather like Jackyl and Hyde)  
_**Chemistry Teacher:** Riverstar _(fur is always sticking out in random directions from his love of blowing stuff up)  
_**Computer Technology Teacher:** Shadowstar _(is obsessed with the Internet, amazingly enough has not found W&W yet)  
_**Drama Teacher:** Midnight _(completely Yoda-like, is very good at super drama, an ancient technique)  
_**English Teacher:** Bluestar _(calm and collected, is all but a hippie, ice skating coach)  
_**French Teacher:** Mothwing _(always spacing out, sometimes forgets to teach her class, once didn't show up at all)  
_**Geography Teacher:** Starsight _(always talks LIKE THIS, also berates people for making fun of her story "Warriors in School")  
_**Guidance Councillor:** Sorreltail _(very cute, toms tend go to her for absolutely no guidance at all)  
_**History Teacher:** Thunderstar _(rambles on throughout the entire class, never shuts up even when the bell rings, many cats tend to fall asleep in his class)  
_**Janitor:** Darkstripe _(very grumpy, constantly being called into Chemistry to clean up after Riverstar)  
_**Librarian:** Yellowfang _(oldest in the school (One-eye lives next door, even though she's older), tends to yell "SHUT UP!" when she thinks it's too loud)  
_**Lunch/Break Supervisor:** Scourge _(gives out detentions for no reason at all)  
_**Lunch Lady:** Graypool _(very nasty temper, loves giving students their daily "slop")  
_**Martial Arts Master:** Blackstar _(is the toughest guy in the school, everyone is glad that he's not a real teacher, is the only teacher with a motorcycle, hockey coach)  
_**Math Teacher:** Tigerstar _(very hard on all his students, deliberately fails Firestar, thinks this is _Harry Potter_ and not _WIS_, football coach)  
_**Music Conductor:** Brambleclaw _(has fun teasing his students though he never shows it, thinks that Stonefur is a cacophonist)  
_**Nurse:** Daisy _(hates needles, reads to kindergartens in her spare time)  
_**Phys. Ed. Teacher:** Leopardstar _(extremely hard on her students, makes them do 50 push-ups if they don't follow her rules, rugby coach)  
_**Physics Teacher:** Windstar _(is very precise about her calculations, bangs her head against the closest solid object if she gets it wrong, soccer coach)  
_**Random Science Teacher:** Mudfur _(gets random coughing fits, sometimes sprays the class with phlegm)_

**STUDENTS:  
**Ashfur _(has a crush on Squirrelflight, deliberately fails music)  
_Berrynose _(constantly wears a bag over his head because he's embarrassed of his name)  
_Blackclaw _(part of Brokentail's gang, has a scruffy appearance, always the one who gets in trouble)  
_Brokentail _(the big bully, constantly stealing people's lunch money, almost never gets in trouble, never bothers Leafpool)  
_Brook _(cute exchange student with an extremely thick accent)  
_Cherrytail _(very cute, one of the "popular" girls, constantly teases her brother Sparrowpelt)  
_Cinderpelt _(one of the "popular" girls, sometimes thinks she's Cinderpaw)  
_Cloudstar _(sarcastic, detests the world)  
_Cloudtail _(thinks that "school is for chumps", still a top student)  
_Crowfeather _(sports a very regal freestyle moustache, is constantly teased by it, doesn't care)  
_Dustpelt _(the cute guy that everyone wants to date, even though he's a total grump)  
_Firestar _(totally full of himself, thinks he can handle any situation)  
_Graystripe _(doggedly follows Silverstream everywhere)  
_Hawkfrost _(desperately tries to make his own gang, is failing miserably, though is acing geography)  
_Heatherpaw _(has a crush on Lionpaw, aces at chemistry)  
_Hollypaw _(top martial arts student, berates Cloudtail for his "school is for chumps" motto)  
_Jaypaw _(aces biology, flunks art because he can never get "the big picture")  
_Leafpool _(tries to keep all of her classmates in balance, as a result always looks harried and tired, aces all classes (especially biology) whilst everyone else fails (at biology), unusually immune to Brokentail, top student)  
_Lionpaw _(runs the lost-and-found, tens to find really odd items such as smelly old socks and the odd porcupine, has a crush on Heatherpaw)  
_Mistyfoot _(is the only one immune to Thunderstar's droning, thus aces history)  
_Mousepaw _(tries unsuccessfully to get Berrynose to take off that paper bag)  
_Rowanclaw _(part of Brokentail's gang, very "cool-looking", never gets in trouble)  
_Runningwind _(most physically fit, able to run the track faster than anyone else)  
_Sandstorm _("giggly girl", giggles at anything Firestar says, detests Spottedleaf with a vengeance)  
_Silverstream _(does a lot of G-rated flirting)  
_Sootfur _(timid, geek-like, but definitely not a geek)  
_Sparrowpelt _(the REAL geek, talks in "techno" i.e. lol, brb, ttfn, etc. as well as 1337)  
_Spottedleaf _("giggly girl", giggles at anything Firestar says, detests Sandstorm with a vengeance)  
_Squirrelflight _(scoffs at Sandstorm and Spottedleaf, aces at English, constantly asks Leafpool "How do you do it?")  
_Stonefur _(excels at the cacophone, an ace at math)  
_Stormfur _(calm and collected, falling for that cute exchange student Brook, aces math)  
_Tawnypelt _(one of the "popular" girls, has a major crush on Rowanclaw)_

**OTHER CHARACTERS:  
**Brackenfur _(firefighter, excels at his job, usually stands around and stares at Millie doing something wrong while he isn't doing anything)  
_Kestrelpaw _(a senior student, not part of the regular class, always tries to act cool and swaggers around during lunch, flees from Brambleflower as if his life depends on it)  
_Lakestorm _(like Starsight only talks in capital letters, usually appears to correct mistakes about "__Warriors: The Band__", often gets into arguments with Starsight that leave everyone staring)  
_Millie _(firefighter, can never do her job correctly)  
_Mousefur _(substitute teacher, everyone hates her since she loves giving out detentions, sometimes joins Scourge in detention to torture the students)  
_One-eye _(old lady who lives next to the school, beats students with her cane if they trespass or lose toys in her garden)  
_Redtail _(police officer, runs around making loud gun noises during lock-downs)  
_Riskay _(hall monitor, yells at people when they run through the halls, always reporting to Shadowstar, has an obsession with hard-cover books that constantly distracts her from monitoring the halls)  
_Rubystripe _(fire chief, constantly yells at Millie for screwing up)  
_Whitewing _(cute substitute teacher, the class loves her because she's so nice)  
_Wolf _(illegally sneaks into class during the Grade 8 field trips, always gives herself away by poking the teacher and running away screaming)_

**THE TOURING GRADE 8 CLASS:  
**Ashtail _(extremely smart, acts really dumb, always states that "I AM YOUR SUPERIOR!")  
_Brambleflower _(has a major crush on Kestrelpaw, gets dizzy and out of breath around him, sometimes faints)  
_Cloudwind _(aces math, is at a higher level than most of the high school students, is obsessed with pi, often attempts to recite every single digit though is always stopped thankfully)  
_Copperrose _(aces history, always waving her hand to be picked on, brings a mouse for Thunderstar every day, talks to herself a lot)  
_Dogma _(the "insecure" cat, always having break downs in the middle of class, always has to go see Daisy, has a terrible lisp, only friend is the toad in Jayfeather's class (the one waiting for dissection), enjoys throwing her shoes at the chalkboard and sucking up to teachers)  
_Forestpelt _(always jumps at the words "running" or "flame", also liable to run in circles and scream his name at the top of her lungs)  
_Lilacheart _(undercover agent working to stop Magicyop from taking over the world, Soundstorm's sister)  
_Lostpaw _(obsesses over England, spazzes out if anyone dares to contradict the awesomeness of England, flirts with Redtail the cop every chance she gets)  
_Magicyop _(Grade 8 teacher, a toad who is obsessed with taking over the world, has managed to work out that he needs to take over the school board first, is failing miserably at taking over the high school)  
_Mossflower _(tends to have random hyper fits that send her racing in circles around the room, otherwise very quiet, always thinks that drills are the real thing)  
_Quailfeather _(obsessed with/has a major crush on Sootfur, uses every chance she gets to pounce on him)  
_Rabbitfoot _(will scream "DANNY PHANTOM!" every time she hears the word 'ghost' or a word starting with 'D', also liable to throw herself off a cliff)  
_Rabbitfur _(has a split personality disorder, can be completely quiet one minute and running around screaming his head off the next)  
_Ripplestream _(can always be found listening to her iPod, only has FOB, MCR, Avenged Sevenfold, etc. songs on it)  
_Sevenclaws _(carries around a puffy Jigglypuff backpack everywhere, sets his Absol on people if they annoy him)  
_Silverfoot _(a little emo looking, though acts like anything but, loves lighting things on fire and blowing stuff up with Riverstar, runs in circles screaming "AAAAAAAAHHHHH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" when the bell rings or the intercom comes on)  
_Skywish _(alter ego of Super Skyie, uses a silly string as her weapon, hides in unsuspecting places and jumps out at random people, nemesis's are Math and Sciences, wears a cape and beanie with a propeller)  
_Soundstorm _(undercover agent working to stop Magicyop from taking over the world, Lilacheart's sister)  
_Sparklestripe _(suffers from constant headaches, liable to yell "SHUT UP!" in the middle of class, both as the exclamation and the literal meaning)  
_Swiftstep _(very mischievous, a sugar addict, has random laughing fits in class, is constantly getting in trouble with One-eye and the rest of the staff, hangs out at the Lost-and-Found, tends to take random items that aren't actually hers, aces math and physics)  
_Tumblefur _(has a major crush on Ashfur, usually faints when he talks to her, has a strange obsession with her shadow, chucks banana pudding at people when she's mad, thrives in Music, has to be shovelled out of history because she falls asleep so deeply)  
_Wildflower _(has a crush on Runningwind, tries to run everywhere like him but crashes into stuff instead, aces drama)_

**PARENT-TEACHER ORGANIZATION (PTO):  
**Hawkstorm _(extremely crazy, constantly dissing Nightcloud, telling Feathertail to let go of Crowfeather, telling Leafpool and Crowfeather to get back together, convincing Jaypaw and Hollypaw they're not Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight's kits, and telling Jaypaw and Cinderpaw that they were made for each other)  
_Nightcloud _(leader of PTO, extremely snooty, wants to throw Hawkstorm out of PTO but she comes up with too many good ideas)  
_Nightpaw _(youngest member of PTO, likes to blow stuff up, mostly calm and quiet but can have screaming fits where he runs around in circles screaming "bush" and "fifty-two", often speaks of doom and destruction after these fits, has slight crush on Leafpool, is a very good singer)  
_Sandspots _(Description in progress...)_

...

**INTRODUCTION**

BRI-I-I-I-ING!

"A new week!" Firestar exclaimed. "Let's make the best of this, eh?"

Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks. Squirrelflight scoffed at them as she walked past, and Silverstream flipped her tail. A loud crash came from the other side of the room as Graystripe knocked over the large globe of the territories. Another loud crash came from the door as Berrynose knocked over the teacher's coat stand.

"Just take the bag off!" Mousepaw said as he followed his brother inside. "You'll see much better!"

"But everyone will laugh at me!" Berrynose replied. "My name sucks!"

"No they won't!"

"Of course they will! Watch!"

Berrynose whipped the bag off his head, and everyone in the room turned, pointed, and laughed at him. Berrynose wailed and jammed the bag on his head again; instantly everyone shut up and went back to what they were doing.

Leafpool rushed in, hung up her coat, raced to her desk, and whipped out her notebook, all under 5 seconds. "How do you do it?" Squirrelflight asked, bewildered.

"I'm faster than you," she retorted, pulling out her pencil case.

Brokentail swaggered in, followed closely by Blackclaw and Rowanclaw. Hawkfrost entered on their tails (quite literally), trying to adopt the same cool swagger. "Blackclaw! You're supposed to be my friend! Can't we make a gang together?"

"I'm already in Brokentail's gang," Blackclaw replied. "Come over to us...we like heavy metal."

"Okay."

Cherrytail, Cinderpelt, and Tawnypelt walked in, giggling amongst themselves as usual. Tawnypelt kept shooting glances at Rowanclaw, while Cherrytail pointed at Leafpool and cried, "Look! It's the geek!"

"oi!" Sparrowpelt yelled, omitting his capitals as usual. "im the only geek around here!"

"Whatever."

"Are you dissing my sister?" Squirrelflight demanded, stalking up to Cherrytail.

"What's it look like?" Cherrytail sniffed.

"OH, YOU ARE SOO GOING DOWN!" Squirrelflight shouted. They began flailing at each others faces in a fierce catfight while Tawnypelt slid over to Rowanclaw.

Lionpaw raced in, waving a pair of socks around. "Has anyone lost a pair of socks?" he shouted.

"NO!" the room replied in unison.

"And I tell you, school is still for chumps," Cloudtail snarled at Hollypaw as they walked in.

"And I say you're sooo wrong!" she replied haughtily.

"You wanna go?" Cloudtail challenged.

Hollypaw threw herself at him in an answer. They rolled around on the floor and tripped Cherrytail and Squirrelflight; they began a four-way free-for-all all-out brawl.

Brook came in, expertly dodged the fight, and slid into her desk. Stormfur walked up and leaned on the next desk. "How're you do-" He was cut off when the desk he was leaning on slid out from under him; he fell to the floor with a yelp. Brook blushed.

"Why?" Stonefur cried, stalking into the room. "I suck at the saxophone!"

"No you don't!" Mistyfoot said, trying to calm her brother down. "Brambleclaw said last week that you were the best-"

"CACOPHONIST!" Stonefur wailed, breaking down in tears.

Runningwind seemed to pop out of nowhere, having run so fast. The entire class stared at him and blinked slowly. "What?" Runningwind asked, his face like this: O.O

"BREAK IT UP!" Ashfur shouted, pulling Cloudtail off Squirrelflight. "How dare you hurt her!"

"Oh, shut up, Ashy, before I claw your face off," Squirrelflight retorted.

"Hark, is that sarcasm?" Cloudstar snorted.

"Of course," Squirrelflight replied. "You're not the only one around here who uses sarcasm, Cloudstar."

Cloudstar snarled sarcastically.

Crowfeather sauntered into the room, easily twirling his long and curly moustache. "Whoa, Crowy!" someone shouted. "When did you get that moustache?"

"On the weekend," he sniffed. "It's quite regal, isn't it?"

"Regally large," Brokentail snickered; Blackclaw and Rowanclaw snorted with laughter, and Hawkfrost burst out laughing a moment later. Crowfeather shot him an arrogant glare and stalked to his seat.

Dustpelt slouched into the class, and immediately Cherrytail abandoned her attempt to gnaw off Hollypaw's tail and squeed loudly. She and Cinderpelt raced over to him, while Tawnypelt edged closer to Rowanclaw.

Heatherpaw nudged Lionpaw, and giggled softly. "I think those are Brokentail's."

"Are not!" Brokentail snarled. "For that you can both give me your lunch money!"

"Aw!"

Sootfur crept into the class, glancing about nervously. A fangirly scream came from nowhere, and he leapt so high his head got stuck in the ceiling. Firestar rolled his eyes and walked over to pull him down. Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks.

"Has the bell rung yet?" Cloudstar asked loudly and sarcastically.

OF COURSE NOT.

"Hey, what's with the big words?"

I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY.

"Yeah, and winged hedgehogs are flying out of my butt."

DO NOT INSULT ME UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE POOFED OUT OF EXISTANCE.

"Like you even could."

A puff of purple smoke surrounded Cloudstar, and he disappeared.

Suddenly the bell rang. The entire class scurried to their seats; a puff of green smoke announced the arrival of Cloudstar who barely made it to his seat before the teacher walked in.


	2. Math

**MATH**

_MEANWHILE, IN THE OFFICE..._

The rather garish pink lace that lined every edge of the entire office fluttered in the breeze of the fan that turned this way and that. The only sound was the typing of Feathertail at her keyboard, sighing in bliss as the fan ruffled her fur.

The door creaked open, and Feathertail looked up. Whitestorm stopped in his tracks and stared at the decorations.

"Nice touch," the principal said approvingly.

"Why thank you, dear!" Feathertail giggled.

Whitestorm hummed to himself and entered his office, the lock clicking shut behind him. The office door opened again and Feathertail looked up to see Lionheart. The vice-principal took one look at the office and fainted dead away.

"Oh dear!" Feathertail cried. She reached over and pressed the announcement button. Her voice was instantly magnified, coming out of every speaker in the school. "Could the school nurse report to the main office now, please? Thank you very much!" She let go of the button and giggled. "I love using the announcement button!"

Moments later Daisy came in. She took one look at Lionheart on the floor and shrieked, shattering Feathertail's mug of coca.

"Please be careful, dear!" Feathertail fretted, racing to clean up the mess.

"Wha--wha--wha--what happened?!" Daisy cried.

"He fainted, dear!" Feathertail said matter-of-factly.

"He-he-he-he mi-mi-mi-might need a-a-a-a-"

"Shot?"

Daisy shrieked again and fainted.

"Oh dear!" Feathertail cried. She reached over and pressed the announcement button again. "Could the janitor report to the main office now, please? Thank you very much!"

Moments later Darkstripe came in. "What now?" he grunted.

"Daisy and Lionheart are out of commission, dear!" Feathertail replied. "Could you please remove them? They're in the way of the door!"

"Fine," Darkstripe grunted. He grabbed his largest mop and started shoving them out the door.

"Thank you, dear!" Feathertail called after him. Once again the office door opened, and this time it was Jaypaw who walked in. He promptly walked into Feathertail's desk and fell flat on his back.

"Can I help you, dear?" Feathertail asked sweetly.

"Ya, I'm signing in," Jaypaw replied.

Feathertail's eyes widened in a cartoon-like way. "What?!"

"I'm signing in," Jaypaw said. "I'm late."

"WHAT?!" Feathertail shrieked, leaping from her chair. "HOW COULD YOU BE LATE?! I WORK SO HARD TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE ALL ON TIME AND STILL SOMEONE IS LATE!!"

"Sorry?" Jaypaw asked, comically raising one eyebrow.

"JUST PUT YOUR NAME DOWN HERE AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, DEAR!" Feathertail screamed.

"Okaaay," Jaypaw said, writing his name down on the sheet of paper Feathertail thrust at him. "See ya later," he said as he disappeared out the door. Feathertail slumped in her chair, her eyes still wide and her breathing coming in short, ragged gasps.

_BACK IN CLASS..._

Jaypaw tried to open the door as quietly as he could, but he could never beat Tigerstar. "You're late," the math teacher growled. "Sit." Jaypaw scuttled to his seat.

"Now, where were we?" Tigerstar asked rhetorically.

"We were talking about adding," Heatherpaw piped up.

"If you read the script, you would see that that was a rhetorical question," Tigerstar growled. "Ten points from Ravenclaw."

"This isn't Harry Potter," Stonefur said, confused.

"Whatever," Tigerstar growled. "Now, answer this question; what is two plus two?"

Firestar's hand shot up into the air, milliseconds before Leafpool's.

"Yes?" Tigerstar asked with a hint of a snarl in his voice as he glared at Firestar.

"4!" Firestar replied triumphantly.

Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks.

"Incorrect," Tigerstar gloated haughtily. "Leafpool?"

"Four," she answered.

"Correct."

"Hey!" Firestar protested. "I just said 4!"

Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks.

"If you read the script," Tigerstar growled, "you'll see that I asked 'What is two plus two', not 'What is 2 + 2'. Thus, the answer I was looking for was 'Four', not '4'."

"That doesn't make sense," Firestar said, puzzled.

Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks.

"Write it down," Tigerstar snarled.

Firestar grabbed his notebook and wrote out the conversation. "It still doesn't make sense."

Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks.

"There's a fail waiting for you, then," Tigerstar said smugly.

"What?!" Firestar protested.

Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks.

"Do you want me to give you two fails too?!" Tigerstar snarled, glaring at Sandstorm and Spottedleaf.

Sandstorm and Spottedleaf giggled madly, then shot each other murderous looks.

Suddenly the bell rang, and every student in the class jumped. "Class dismissed," Tigerstar growled. "And 150 points deducted from Gryffindor."

"This isn't Harry Potter, Snape!" Mistyfoot yowled.

"50 from Ravenclaw!"

"Hey!" Luna Lovegood shouted.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

A mad scramble began to get to the door, and Stormfur, Firestar, Squirrelflight, Crowfeather, Ashfur, Hawkfrost, and Jaypaw got stuck in the door. It took the combined efforts of the entire class + (excuse me, _plus_) Tigerstar to pop them out into the hall, where they landed in a huge heap atop Darkstripe, Daisy, and Lionheart. Daisy blinked her eyes and leaped to her feet. "Oh no!" she shrieked. "Is everyone all right?!"

"Yes, Daisy," the class, Tigerstar, Darkstripe, and Lionheart replied in unison.

"Oh," she said, looking flushed. "I think the kindergartens are waiting for me, goodbye." And with that she flounced off down the hall and around the corner.


	3. English

**ENGLISH**

Runningwind, being the fastest, arrived at English first, where he stopped dead in the doorway and stood there with his eyes bulging. "Whoa..."

"What's up?" Tawnypelt asked, trying to see around him.

"The ceiling," Cloudstar muttered sarcastically.

"See for yourself," Runningwind muttered, ignoring Cloudstar and standing aside.

Tawnypelt, Cherrytail, Cinderpelt, and the rest of the class gasped. A roaring fire burned in the hearth at the head of the room, and several large round tables had replaced the usual desks-for-one. Large poofy cushions surrounded each table, and lush grass grew from the floor. The lights were off and the drapes were shut, giving the room a rather stuffy feel.

"Uh..." Lionpaw said as he walked in with everyone else following close behind. "This wasn't here last week."

"Oooh!" Heatherpaw squealed, making the class jump. "We must have a new teacher!"

"Greetings, dudes and dudettes," a deep, misty-mellow voice called. Everyone jumped and turned to see Bluestar floating towards them in midair, draped in bright hippie colours including matching tie-dye shirt and pants, a huge peace sign on a chain around her neck, a jaunty bandana, and gigantic blue-tinted shades. "Welcome to my humble abode."

"What happened?" Ashfur asked, while behind him Crowfeather twitched his moustache in surprise.

"I think I ate too much Zatarans on the weekend," she muttered to him out of the corner of her mouth.

"But wouldn't that make you obsessed with Mardi-Gras?" Cloudstar asked sarcastically.

"I wouldn't know," Bluestar shrugged. "Anyways, take a seat, dudes and dudettes!"

"Technically, the correct form would be 'dudeen'," Leafpool corrected as she chose a fluffy pillow and nearly disappeared into it for the amount of pushiness.

"Whatever," Bluestar said with a wave of her paw as she floated to the front of the room again. She arranged herself in a painful-looking cross-legged position and faced the class again, still floating a couple feet off the ground. "Now, did all of you complete the homework I assigned last Friday?"

"Yes, Bluestar," the class chorused. Even Brokentail, Blackclaw, and Rowanclaw, who had had their respective mothers force them to do it.

"Good," Bluestar said, obviously pleased. "You can burn it when you get home; you'll never need it."

"Awesome!" Brokentail yowled, slapping a high five with Rowanclaw and Blackclaw. Hawkfrost reacted a moment late, smacking Blackclaw in the head rather than hitting a high five. Leafpool, on the other hand, looked very affronted. Squirrelflight could tell she would file away that homework as soon as she got home.

"Now, let us begin!" Bluestar cried in her misty-mellow voice. She clapped her paws together, and the fire in the hearth dimmed. She clapped again and a large number of candles began popping into existence all around them. Berrynose yelped as one of them lighted behind him, setting his tail on fire.

"Let yourselves fall into a quiet, relaxed state," Bluestar purred, her voice becoming even more misty-mellowy by the second, if that was possible. "Think about poetry, writing, grammar, everything to do with the language arts."

"What about the candles? Are they going to hurt us while we 'meditate'?" Silverstream asked, twitching her whiskers as she flicked her tail out of the way of another materializing candle. A loud yelp came from Graystripe as he leaned forward into a candle and set his whiskers on fire.

"My dear, I am a StarClan cat," Bluestar sniffed, ignoring Stormfur as he smacked Graystripe in the face with a pillow in an attempt to smother the flames. "I can do special stuff like making sure you are all safe."

"'/4 2!6-7," Sparrowpelt muttered.

"Hey," Cherrytail said.

"??" Sparrowpelt asked.

"You spoke in Leet."

"50?"

"I thought you gave that up last week."

"! /57 \/4)3 '/0 **7-!\** ! 64\/3 !7 0. 1337 \/\/!11 213 7-3 \/\/021)!!"

"To quote Cloudstar, 'and winged hedgehogs are flying out of my butt'."

"Oi!" Cloudstar called sarcastically. "That's my phrase!"

"I was quoting you!" Cherrytail called back.

Throughout all this conversation, Bluestar was so deep in her meditations that she didn't hear the fire alarm ring. The entire class jumped to their feet and raced to the door. Leafpool was the only one with enough sense to grab Bluestar and haul her through the air and outside.

_TO BE CONDITIONED..._

_--_

_Note: The Leet translation did not work out perfectly after uploading. Below is a short translation of what Sparrowpelt said._

_1. Ya right.  
2. So?  
3. I just made you _think_ I gave it up. Leet will rule the world!!_


End file.
